Recently I was watching Oprah’s Lifeclass. There is always an interesting discussion happening on that show. Oprah has a guest on and they talk about their ideas and viewpoints on life topics. It’s usually someone who has positioned themselves as an expert and has a book to promote. I always find little helpful nuggets from this show. The way they get the audience involved, in studio and through social media, is really cool.

One day in particular, I was watching and Steve Harvey was on. Personally, watching his transformation from a standup comedian to actor and mega entreprenuer has been amazing. I can usually take something from his thoughts and advice. This day was no different. He was talking about his new book “Think Like A Success”. During his time on the show, he took questions from the audience. One mother asked about her kids. Her children are all adults ranging in age from their mid-20s to 30 years old. She was still supporting all of them financially in some way. This “support” was putting a strain on her relationship with her husband. She pretty much wanted Steve to tell her she was right for taking care of her “babies”, as she called them. Oprah and Steve reminded her that her children were no longer babies but instead had babies of their own.

Steve told her that he and his wife regularly say these three words to their kids:

Your WingsAs soon as he said the words, “Your wings work!”, I smiled. I think that’s perfection. For our kids, we want to give them the world. The issue with the woman on the show was knowing when to pull the plug. We can’t hold them so tight that we break their wings. At some point, we have to let them test those wings and just be there for the shifts in the wind that knock them off their path.

The truth is,we all need to know that we are fully capable of the life we want. We could all use a reminder here and there to keep flapping. Sometimes we don’t use our wings at all and wonder why we’re not moving. If a bird attempts to leave the nest without attempting to fly, you’ll find it still near that tree. The bird will either be at the foot of the tree injured and upset with his position in life or dead because of his lack of effort. The same is true of our dreams. If we don’t try our dreams will be stuck. They’ll remain a dream, but a dormant one.goal dream

The other alternative is they could wither and disappear because we gave them no effort. The solution is to START FLAPPING! You may not immediately soar out of the nest but you’ll be moving. You’ll begin to soar in due time. Promise!

63 Comments on These Three Words – Game Changer

  2. So important to remember with little kids!! We don’t do them any favors by making their life easy. It’s hard to remember the long-term goal of “teaching them to fly” but this is a great reminder. Thanks for sharing!

  3. Steve Harvey is such a good, funny guy. Love that he said that to his kids. I don’t get to watch too much Oprah now (don’t have cable) and her OWN network isn’t on Netflix. I miss that woman.

  11. I always do better when I have a deadline especially when it comes to a goal that I set for myself. I may wait till the last second but hey I hate to miss a deadline.

  12. That’s a nice thought. Personally, as someone who struck out on her own with very little help because there just was no other way, I always read these things and take them a bit personally. Like, god, I wish I had the privilege of having a financially solvent family I could lean on when times were tough. Times have been tough for us for the past six years, and I had to move country to try and get somewhere with my life.

    I understand wanting your kids to be independent, but I also understand supporting people for as long as they need if you can. Don’t think there’s anything wrong with either. Like I said – I wish I had a fallback like that. I guess your point is that it should be a fallback and not the main thing, and I suppose so, yeah. It IS important for kids to be independent. I just hate the idea of someone pulling the plug. Though I may be making it out to be more dramatic than it has to be. As long as you give ample warning it should be fine.

  14. I love this! This is so applicable to anyone at any stage of life, but it can be especially magical for children who are still imagining up the most fantastical dreams! 🙂

  18. Ah, I love having a sentence that encapsulates everything I want to teach our kiddo. Thanks for sharing! Just a few minutes ago she asked me if I would get the stool for her while we were cleaning the kitchen after dinner. She was just standing there, I was working, so I let her know kindly that she could get it just fine. Next time I’m going to say “Your wings work.”

  21. Ahhh – I’m going to give this to my husband to read. (He’s an enabler.) I have always been a firm believer – if they or you can do it, then no one else should for them. Good lesson!!

  23. I am so behind on my Oprah goodness, so of course, I missed this episode! I love that quote by Steve Harvey…it is amazing how you can put a few small words together, and then go on to be inspired, watching magic happen. Thank you for sharing – I’m now inspired to go catch up with some of my Oprah episodes with my next little bit of down-time.

  24. I really enjoyed reading this as there’s so much truth in what you’re saying.

    I left home, straight from school at 18/19 and moved across the country to a brand new city for a job. I’m still finding my wings, but they’re growing slowly 😉

    Katie <3

  25. Love this! Especially: we all need a reminder that we’re capable of living the life we want. Great timing to hear this advice. Thanks Camesha!

  28. i loved session with Steve! I wrote that quote down because yes!! I wanted a reminder!i think it’s going on my vision board!

  29. seems like he has a lot of wisdom to share. 🙂 my parents couldn’t financially support me, so i always found my way with odd jobs.. or just made it work somehow. i feel like if they provided for everything maybe i wouldn’t have learned some of my work ethics that i did early on. 🙂

  32. Such a great quote! My son just turned 18 and will be starting college soon. I have to remind myself that he is now an adult.

  33. Very awesome quote from Steve Harvey. The older my kids get, the more I am pushing them to do things on their own. They are so intimidated at times to make their own decisions, but I know I am not doing them any favors coddling them and doing it for them.

  34. Great advice – and not just for our kids, but for ourselves too. Sometimes we need to remember to use our own wings more and fly out of our comfort zones! Thanks for sharing.

  36. Thanks for the great post! Everybody has dreams, but they don’t mean anything if we don’t do the work to make them a reality.

  37. I love this type of positive message. And I had no idea about the details of Steve Harvey’s journey, they are inspiring!

  38. I really like Steve Harvey, he’s always seemed like a cool and down to earth guy. I love that he said this to his own kids!

  39. My MIL needs to read this. Hubs and his ex seperated when kiddo was almost 2 and then filed for divorce. The divorce was final after I met him. It dragged out for a long time. Kiddo only knows her life with 4 parents because, now at the age of 9, she doens’t remember life when she was smaller. MIL on the other hand, for whatever reasons, somehow things she’s suffering. She does everything for her. Has a bad day, she will drive 30 min to go get her and bring her to town to stay the night then take her to school the next day. That’s just one example. She makes life easy. Kiddo never has to deal with anything because she knows MIL will bail her out. It’s been a really hard battle with her. She doesn’t seem to realize there are going to be consequences to that. And it has become apparent more as kiddo gets older. Hubs is struggling with it and doesn’t know what to do. He’s dad. His mom is not her parent. It’s hard to watch.

  40. I love Steve and I am proud of him too he came such a VERY long way and he is so positive and uplifting. I love the “Your Wings Work” quote because parents have to let their kids fly from the nest..I know some parent with grown kids who kids wings acting like they are literally broken! Let your grown kids flap their wings its ok to let go even the birds know that!

  43. I love anything to do with Steve Harvey and Oprah. This was a very inspirational post. Thank you so much for sharing .

  46. So true. Sometimes, parents has to be quick in knowing that their child is ready to test their wings. Kids sometimes miss that point in their life. It’s a challenge because we are all busy in our lives.

  47. This made my heart feel good. It’s so important that we invest in our children emotionally. We need to do things that build them up so that we can set them free.

  52. That’s really a great way to put it.

    Sometimes you think you’re helping someone, when really you enabling them. It can be hard to know the difference but we have to take notice for the benefit of both parties

    ~Lea

  53. gorgeous.
    I love that – we can’t hold them so tight that we break their wings. It’s so important to let our kids fly themselves!
    xx

  54. I like the bird analogy 🙂 I don’t have children myself but I guess it must be so hard to let go. Even if you do fall when you are flying on your own failure is important too, hardships and lessons are important, as unpleasant as they can be.

  57. Love that quote, Camesha!! I don’t have kids myself, but think it’s powerful for everyone who might be taking steps forward toward their goals.

    I was almost motivated to call my parents and tell them to stop paying my cell phone bill — then I thought otherwise…:)

    Thanks for sharing this!!

  58. It’s so true, their wings will work. As moms, we want to do everything for our kids, but we have to learn when to pull back and let them do it on their own. Love the practical advice!

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