life

Having it All! Are you a believer?

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The president of a television network once told me “you can have it all, just not at the same time.” She’s a married, mother of two with this high-powered job. I could imagine the juggling act she was performing daily.  It got me to thinking: Balance. Is it a joke?

As I have made the transition from full time working mom in the crazy entertainment business to the crazy world of entrepreneurship, I have had to think about what having it all means to me. Does having it all mean having a booming career with the lifestyle to match and an equally thriving family life? Can all of that really exist at the same time? The vision of having it all totally depends on the eyes you’re looking through.

having it all

For me, the term “having it all” took on a different meaning once I had children. Before the arrival of my babies I knew exactly what I wanted. My ideal life had me working in entertainment in New York city, living in an apartment in Manhattan. I figured I’d wear super fashionable clothes and drive a Jeep Grand Cherokee. I seriously formed this vision while in college. Call me crazy! I ended up pretty close. My career dreams landed me in television in Los Angeles instead of New York. I did buy a Jeep. I got the Liberty instead of the Grand Cherokee. I worked for the Style Network so it was pretty much a no-brainer to stylishly show up to work!

Fast forward to my mommy life. All of the good stuff of my career became less appealing to me. I didn’t want to go to parties or events. I wanted to be at home with my babies. I was no longer interested in endless hours at work. I had other priorities. My having it all now meant spending as much time as I could with the people I created and the man I created them with.

balance

I decided to define having it all having and balance in my own terms. Balance for me is on a day to day basis. I spend my days with my children. That means that my time is not my own! I find time to do things for me and I maximize that time. Some days it’s a perfect dance we do. The kids get all they need and they take wonderful, full naps. During those naps, I get to crank out tons of work and cross some things off my massive list. By the time they wake up, I’m ready to play some more and enjoy them. There are other times that they act like sleep is an evil monster waiting to eat them up the minute they close their eyes. I don’t get a thing done until bed time and even then I’m exhausted. Balance. It’s a day to day thing. My focus is making sure everyone in our house gets what they need. Sometimes someone needs a little more or less. That’s balance for me. It’s not an overall life thing. I find that too overwhelming and then I end up kicking myself when something doesn’t workout. By taking it day by day, I give myself some grace and allow room for things to not be perfect. It works for me.

So tell me, what does balance look like for you? How do you define having it all?

It took extreme pain but, lesson learned

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A week ago, I had two wisdom teeth removed. I had it done on a Friday and figured I’d rest over the weekend and be better by the time my husband went back to work on Monday. Well, it didn’t go as planned. The dentist had to crack my bone to get one of my teeth out and that made my healing torture! I’m still healing.

This experience has taught me that I need to know when to give myself a break. With my jaw throbbing, my teeth feeling like they were shaking in my head, I was still trying to work. At night, I would sit at this laptop frustrated with myself that I couldn’t focus. I wanted so badly to stay on top of the schedule I’d set for myself. Really, I was crazy! It took a friend to remind me to take it easy on myself. I needed to rest. Working was only making me feel worse. I couldn’t be so focused on creating my future and ignoring my present pain.

iPhone May dump 147Sometimes we have to know when to say when. I wasn’t doing that. My body forced me to check myself. I think it’s common among women, especially moms. We push forward hard while downplaying what may be going on with us. I was busy making my kids a priority. I was doing drop-off,  pick-up, packing lunches, play dates and mommy and me classes while being in extreme pain. My kids got what they always get from me. I did have a day or two in there where they watched more TV than they should have. I was wiped out and couldn’t do more in that moment. I think that’s the day it started sinking in for me that my balance was thrown off. I forgot about putting the oxygen mask on myself first. I made sure the kids were good but I was struggling. I had nothing left to give when it was time for me to work.

I decided to stop trying. I had to give myself some grace and just shut this computer off. Instead of trying to write posts and finish books and structure marketing plans – I took my sick behind to bed! It’s so simple but it took extreme pain for me to see it. Taking the pressure off of myself to be superwoman was freeing. I so believe in taking a step closer to your dream everyday. I keep that firmly in the front of my mind. So much so, that I have a hard time taking a day off of dream building.

Here’s the deal, my dreams don’t work without me. I’ve learned to do as much dream building as self loving. One without the other doesn’t work.

I’ll be getting back to me soon enough. I’ll just keep this in my back pocket as a lesson learned.

How do you balance taking care of yourself with taking care of everyone else?

Putting the Pieces Together – Guilt Free

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There is a lot I want out of this life. A lot. As I work to put the pieces together, I sometimes give myself a hard time about what I’m able to do. Sure, being a mom of two kids and a wife to my honey makes things all kinds of challenging. The kids require and are totally entitled to my full attention. They’re young (4 and nearly 2) and love their mommy time! I find ways to balance my snuggles with them and my time on this laptop. It’s a dance. What I know though is if mama is happy, my babies will be happy. That keeps me going toward all the things that help my happy.

There are several things in the works but when I can’t get them done as fast as I would like, I tend to be really hard on myself. I’m learning to give myself a break. I can feel good about doing what I can do, when I can do it. It’s no secret that I can’t go after my dreams the same way I could when I was single. That doesn’t mean I can’t go after them though. Honestly, the single version of me had completely different dreams anyway. The single version of me was younger with more energy too! LOL!

The only personI just have to go about my dreams and passions in a different way, at a different pace. I’m cool with that.  To get things done, I make a small list for the day.When I say small, I’m talking one or two things to accomplish once the kids go to bed. Once I get those things done, I feel like I’ve been successful. If I do more than what’s on that list – cupcakes for everyone! Whoot whoot! I don’t overcrowd my list with so many things that I make my success seem impossible. I like a challenge, but I’m not a fan of self sabotage!. That’s not fair to me. I always have to be fair to me, right?

That’s how I carve out time for my dream building. How about you? Am I the only one guilty of being WAY too hard on myself?