There is a lot I want out of this life. A lot. As I work to put the pieces together, I sometimes give myself a hard time about what I’m able to do. Sure, being a mom of two kids and a wife to my honey makes things all kinds of challenging. The kids require and are totally entitled to my full attention. They’re young (4 and nearly 2) and love their mommy time! I find ways to balance my snuggles with them and my time on this laptop. It’s a dance. What I know though is if mama is happy, my babies will be happy. That keeps me going toward all the things that help my happy.

There are several things in the works but when I can’t get them done as fast as I would like, I tend to be really hard on myself. I’m learning to give myself a break. I can feel good about doing what I can do, when I can do it. It’s no secret that I can’t go after my dreams the same way I could when I was single. That doesn’t mean I can’t go after them though. Honestly, the single version of me had completely different dreams anyway. The single version of me was younger with more energy too! LOL!

The only personI just have to go about my dreams and passions in a different way, at a different pace. I’m cool with that.  To get things done, I make a small list for the day.When I say small, I’m talking one or two things to accomplish once the kids go to bed. Once I get those things done, I feel like I’ve been successful. If I do more than what’s on that list – cupcakes for everyone! Whoot whoot! I don’t overcrowd my list with so many things that I make my success seem impossible. I like a challenge, but I’m not a fan of self sabotage!. That’s not fair to me. I always have to be fair to me, right?

That’s how I carve out time for my dream building. How about you? Am I the only one guilty of being WAY too hard on myself?

47 Comments on Putting the Pieces Together – Guilt Free

  1. Hi Camesha,
    I have a thing I say to myself that I picked up from a great book on Cognitive Behavioural Therapy called ‘Change your Thinking’ by Sarah Edelman.

    It sounds kinda simple, but I remind myself that it’s not possible for me to do everything.

    It sounds such a cliche, but really I’ve lived for years with the underlying belief that somehow I should be able to do everything. I would get really stressed at the idea that some things wouldn’t get done. Now I just remind myself using these simple everyday words: ‘you can’t do everything’, and I feel ok about it. I wish I’d realised this in my teens. But there you go – that’s life!
    Alison.

  3. Camesha girl, did you just write this post just for me?
    I tend to be soooo hard on myself and I am in the process of changing that. Your post is such an inspiration to us perfectionists and overachievers everywhere!

  4. I love your comparison of life balance right now to that of a dance. Sounds like you are spot on with the idea that a happy mom makes for a happy family! I’m right there with you with having days where the dance flows and days where the dance leaves you feeling breathless and exhausted if the mind gets carried away 🙂

  5. I am sooo in the thick of this right now! I am definitely feeling a bit overwhelmed, but I want to work through it and get some things done in the short amount of time I have. Self-compassion is certainly key. I also like to try to focus on what I did get done rather than what I didn’t. I love what you said about compare ourselves to who we were yesterday. Thank you!

  6. Great post! I have to do the same thing. I call it my post it rule. I’m only allowed to look at my massive to do list once a week to break down the week. Then each day I’m allow to fill a post (with a marker so I can’t write small!) it’s usually 1-5 things and it keeps me moving forward and feeling accomplished. AND that’s a great quite. Love it. Thanks for sharing!

  8. You’ve got to give yourself some grace! Motherhood is a full-time job! I had really unrealistic expectations of myself after my first baby. I was a little kinder to myself after the second one. Once you get out of “maintenance mode” — when your kids are a little older — finding time for yourself becomes much easier. Be kind to yourself in the meantime!

  9. Thanks so much for the mommy perspective! I agree being single was definitely a different mindset. Someone told me there is no such thing as challenges but instead OPPORTUNITIES. My kids and I have transitioned into a new dynamic in the past past four years and I am looking forward to our next chapters.

  10. Beautiful article, Camesha! Self compassion is so important, especially for those of us that are a bit competitive (even with ourselves). I love your thoughts on perspective and focusing on what you can do now with the time you have. Love it!

  11. I love this article!
    SO SO SO true that happy mama, happy baby. It is really important for women to fill their own well before they can focus on others.
    I like your short to-do list idea as well. That way you feel accomplished at the end of the day! I have a bad habit of writing 50 things on my to do list and never getting through it all. I’m going to try your way! x

  13. I think a small list is a great way to start. Lately I’ve felt guilty for working out…even though I feel good doing it and it helps me be a better mom and wife. Crazy, how motherhood can throw you such curveballs, right?

  15. I think as you grow older you will stop being so hard on yourself. I used to be the same way, but age has a way of changing the way you think.

  16. I’m like that sometimes, too hard on myself. But sometimes you have to think and sit down, and focus on bettering yourself; not to others.

  17. I think we all have days where we struggle and are too hard on ourselves. We are all trying to do the best we can with the time we’ve got.

  18. Great quote! Sometimes it is hard not to compare yourself to others but truly is long as you are trying to better yourself then you are always ahead of the game.

    If I didn’t make small lists I wouldn’t get anything done, nothing.

  19. Recently I’ve been going through the same thing. It’s overwhelming at times trying to juggle life as a mother and wife and a blogger. I want to make everyone happy all while getting my stats higher and it’s not as easy as it seems. It’s VERY hard work and a lot of “beating myself up” . Perhaps I should do the small list and only work when the kids are in bed for the night but at the same time that’s when my hubby wants to spend time with me. I’m lost….

  24. Love this! You are definitely not alone on this, I love your attitude and the idea of making small challenges each day! Way to give yourself credit and self love.. enough to help your happy 😉

  27. I try not to compare myself with others because that only causes me to lose confidence. Thanks for the great post

  29. I totally understand what you are talking about here! I am horrible about piling too much on my plate and trying to juggle to many things. I may manage to get everything accomplished but did I enjoy it? No! I have had to learn when to say no and what I can manage and still enjoy life.

  31. Thank you for sharing your heart. It is a dance I am doing as well. Good to know other mommies are working hard at that dance too!

  33. I love this post! And I love the quote! “the only person you should compare yourself to is the person you were yesterday!” So powerful! It’s true, I’m really hard on myself when I don’t get things done in time…it’s a good reminder to be kind and compassionate to ourselves just like we are to others. Thanks for sharing!

  35. I try not to compare myself to others but we all do it. You just have to remind yourself that we are all at different places in our lives and on different journeys.

  37. I love the idea of revising the list to smaller proportions! That’s a great idea for me too. I tend to over extend, a lot.

  38. That quote is super motivating to me. It gives permission to do the best you can without being too lofty in what you reach for. Love it!

  42. I think most of the moms are too hard on themselves, at least the good moms.
    It is a sign of caring to worry. But on the other hand we need to know how to give ourselves a break. And congratulate for trying.
    Like you said, only compare youself to who you were yesterday. Every day is new opportunity to make the best mom you can be. That’s my momsofy 😉

  43. I am total love with that quote. Often times we continue to compare ourselves to other people when we need to learn to just be us. Great inspiration- thanks

  46. There is so much on my to do list everyday. I guess that comes from being a mom, writer, property manager and wife. It’s hard to keep all those balls in the air. I’m juggling!

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