life

TGIF? Nope, I’ll Pass

September 2, 2014 by cam

Fin. I’m done with it. TGIF and I shall now part ways. Yep, we broke up.

I am all aboard and hitching my wagon to that whole “ain’t life grand train”. I am all about not being this girl anymore.

I don’t know that I’ve ever really hated Mondays. Yeah, it means the end of the far too short weekend. Yes, it’s back to the grind. Still, I was never mad at it. We had our moments though. Let’s be clear on that! LOL!

Then, I started to think about things a bit different. I started to feel like that countdown to Friday was really me just rushing my life along. I didn’t like that feeling. Most of my week was spent at work. That’s five days out of seven. Why have a countdown going for that much of my life only to make myself happy for two, very rushed days? That didn’t jibe with me. My weeks are different now. I spend ALL week with my kids. Our week can be a grind. My son is starting elementary school today and the grind is about to really kick into high gear. He’s got to be at school at 7:50a. He’ll be in some extra curricular activities. My daughter has her classes and activities that will shift according to his new schedule. Then there’s that time I need to squeeze in there to do me. Yep, Monday through Friday is going to be a grind. It’s one that I’m not rushing though.

via

If watching my babies grow up teaches me anything, it’s that time FLIES! I don’t need to rush it. Um, I’m suddenly the mom of an elementary school student people. Time is FLYING! More than anything, I want it to slow down a bit.

Starting this new phase, my son could NOT be more excited. He’s only talking about all the new friends he’s going to meet. He can’t wait to go to school because “I need to learn, Mommy.” His blind enthusiasm is so innocent. I’m deciding to take a page from his book. He hasn’t had a case of the Mondays and in his world they don’t exist. Every day is just a new day for an awesome adventure, time to learn something new, make new friends and see new things. Ding! That’s how I want to see life. Let me borrow those rose colored glasses! It may seem unrealistic but I am all about seeing the good and the positive. When we focus on the good and positive, we begin to see more of it. That being the case, I say bring it Monday! Tell Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday that I look forward to meeting them too. In due time.

What’s your take on Mondays? It is back to the grind or bring it on!?

Life is short. Be happy. #theend

August 26, 2014 by cam

There’s something about getting older and having huge responsibilities. It changed me. It changed my outlook on life. It changed the things I care about. I care less about some things and more about others. In the end, I think I’m happier for it.

I don’t bother with trying to “make” people like me. Sometimes you have to know that people have made up their mind about you from the minute they saw you. They don’t want to change their opinion no matter what. You have to be OK with that. I am.

I try to focus on the things I want to do. Of course there are things I have to do. It’s life, There are things I can’t avoid even if I don’t like doing them. I try to balance the scales though and sometimes tip them in my favor by doing more of what makes me happy.

I am not dependent on anyone else for my happiness. I love my friends and family to pieces. Don’t misunderstand. It’s just that I’ve learned that happiness is a choice and I am the only one that gets to make that choice for me.

I have also embraced the idea that life is short. It really is. The time will pass anyway so I may as well be doing something that makes brings joy to me and those I love.

I am learning to live in the now but allow myself to dream even the wildest of dreams believing that they are totally within my reach.

I’ve also learned that who I am has nothing to do with my job title, what I wear or who I know. Those things are don’t make me and won’t be the things that keep me warm at night.

What’s the best lesson you’ve learned over time?

Living the Dream?

August 19, 2014 by cam

I was sold. Hook line and sinker. I wanted it all. I wanted the house, the car, the husband, the kids, the career and all of the “things” that say I’m rocking this life thing. I got it all sewn up! There’s this idea that if you drive a certain car, wear particular clothes and live in certain neighborhood that you are on top of the world. That’s the story. The American Dream.

You go to college. You decide at 18years old what you’d like to do for the rest of your life and you set off on the path of “living the dream”. I was so there. I had my plan carved out and I made it! I was living my American dream. After college, I started working in media right a way. I worked my way from editorial assistant for a newspaper to a writer and producer for network television. I got married, we got a dog, a house and two children. It felt good to be able to check life goals off the imaginary life list. What didn’t feel good was the amount of hours needed to make the dream work. What didn’t feel good was never feeling like we had enough time with our kids. I started to realize the American dream was all about “things”. I thought about what that really meant for me.

There’s this saying that you never see a U-haul behind a Hearst because you can’t take any of this stuff with you. I thought about that. I thought about a minister once saying that we buy things we don’t need, with money we don’t have, to impress people we don’t like. Ouch! Hmmm… I thought about what will matter most to me at the end of the day, my family or my stuff. I had to re-evaluate what giving my all looked like for me.

While I was still producing television, I began having these ideas of the life I NOW wanted. I kept a notebook to jot them down. Now that I had that jigsaw laid out it was time to figure out how I was going to put that puzzle together. I started jotting down ideas. I talked to my husband to pick his brain. We were on the same page, thankfully. We are more concerned with experiences rather than things. We started talking things out to figure out how we could make our life simpler, easier. Being in the grind here in L.A. is a beast. We are on a mission to tame the beast in a way that works for our family.

Part of that is making the best of our time with our kids creating memories and experiences. It’s led to me craving a simpler life. I never knew how much I loved the outdoors until I stopped to see it though the eyes of my babies. Playing at a water table really can be fun and therapeutic. The kids have fun and I let the water relax me a bit. This attitude has also extended to how I want our home set up. I’ve been on a mission to get rid of things that aren’t needed. I have bagging up things left and right. I have re-designed rooms in my head so that things just feel better. A while ago I read something about clearing space in your home as it relates to making space for other (non-material) things to come into your life. I’m all about that! I can’t say that I won’t drool over the latest “it” bag or that I will completely abandon my closet full of shoes. I like baby steps, y’all. What I will say, is that I’ll be making progress bit by bit to make my life more of MY dream and less of the American dream. With the traditional dream, there is always more to get. With my dream, I focus on what I already have. Feels better already.

Selfish Mama: Am I Talking to You?

August 12, 2014 by cam

Not too long ago, I was having a conversation with a friend. She was telling me about something that she’d read. It was a post about motherhood. The author was talking about the need to be a selfish mother. At first, I balked. My thoughts went straight here:

You can’t be selfish once you have children.
Your life isn’t only about you.
The kids ALWAYS come first.
If you’re being a selfish mama, what are your kids missing out on while you’re all about you?

I”m the mom that felt bad every time I dropped my babies off at day care. I lingered around forever because I didn’t want to be away from my babies. Now that my babies are at home full time, I’m the mom who felt guilty when I run to the coffee shop to work for a few hours. Yeah, I’m that mama. Me a selfish mama. I couldn’t see it.

As she continued telling me about this post, I started to change my thoughts. It began to make sense to me. It really didn’t seem so bad to be selfish at all. The thing that popped into my head was the words I hear when boarding an airplane. They always tell you when traveling with children, in the event of an emergency to put the oxygen mask over your own face first. Growing up, I thought that was messed up. You’re telling people to protect themselves and kick the kids to the curb? Of course, not. That’s what it sounded like to me as a little kid though.

Making sure you have oxygen first, makes you better equipped to help your child. If you’re struggling to breathe, you can’t think clearly. If you’re not thinking clearly, you won’t make it. If you don’t make it, how can you help your kids? I think the same is true overall in motherhood. I have been guilty of being last on my own list. I have gotten better about it though. For example, I know that I need to get myself ready first in the morning. If I don’t, things tend to go a bit off track. It’s just easier for me to get my children together, if I’m already pulled together. In a sense, it sets the tone. My babies see that I’m dressed and they know what’s expected. They know what’s coming next. It’s their turn and they begin to do things to get ready.

Could that be true in other cases? Of course! If we set out to take care of ourselves first in other areas, will it teach our kids to make themselves a priority? There are definitely extremes to this. There are people who don’t spend time with their kids because of this idea of putting yourself first. There has to be a balance though, right? There are times to be selfish and there are time to make yourself “next in line”. It’s a dance. At times, I tend to hang out in the “next in line” phase a bit longer than I should. I am learning to put myself on my own list more often. Even when it feels selfish.

As moms, it’s no secret we juggle a lot. We feed, clean and clothe small people. We entertain, teach and engage them. We take them to countless activities and pretty soon your calendar only reflects your child’s social activities. Am I the only one here? It can get to the point that you can’t remember the last time you had a meal with your husband that didn’t involve cutting up someones else’s food. All of these things are part of being parents, absolutely. The thing is, being a parent isn’t the whole of who we are. Sometimes selfishly taking care of the rest of you is a must! (tweet this)

That could mean making time for a hair appointment, a pedicure or a shopping trip to Target – ALONE. Make time to have a meal (you didn’t prepare) and gaze at that hottie you married. You almost forgot about that part of him because you’re used to seeing him as a father now. Make time for sharing a meal and maybe a *gasp* glass of wine with your girlfriends. It feels good to laugh your face off about grown woman stuff every now and then. It may feel selfish but I promise it will make you a better mama.

What about you? What do you think of this idea of a being a selfish mama?

Three Ways to Beat the Blahs

July 29, 2014 by cam

I was going to ask you if you ever get a case of the blahs. Then I though about if. Who doesn’t get a case of the blahs every now and then? As a matter of fact, if you’ve figured out a way to avoid them, let me know! I have been feeling a little ho hum about a couple of things. I am having the hardest time squeezing working out back into my routine. I’ll get there.

The other thing that has me feeling meh is my hair. It’s long. Boring long. Long for no reason long. I’ve been thinking of what I could do to jazz it up a bit. This got me to thinking about the best ways to deal with a case of the blahs.

My first thought for my hair is to do something different. Immediately! When you are feeling “meh” or “ugh” about things, it’s time to make some changes. Change your hair, your route to work. Something. Find a way to switch up your routine. Try something new for dinner. Find a spice in your kitchen and then Google things to make using that spice. Just trying a new fruit or vegetable could be a cool switch up.

Another idea, get a pen and paper and start writing. What are you grateful for? Write them down! Having that list in front of you should help break any funk. Tuck the list in a drawer somewhere. When you’re feeling funk-ish, pull it out and remind yourself how much things really don’t suck.

Here’s something that always rejuvenates me. Go outside! Walk, move. You can walk in your neighborhood or even better go to a park or some place you’ve never visited before. You’ll be more aware of taking it all in because it won’t be familiar to you. When things get too familiar they are far too easy to overlook. When I go someplace new, I seem to notice every single detail. It’s the little things that can totally change your outlook on things.

What kinds of things do you do to break the blahs? Share in the comments.

Having it All! Are you a believer?

July 22, 2014 by cam

The president of a television network once told me “you can have it all, just not at the same time.” She’s a married, mother of two with this high-powered job. I could imagine the juggling act she was performing daily. It got me to thinking: Balance. Is it a joke?

As I have made the transition from full time working mom in the crazy entertainment business to the crazy world of entrepreneurship, I have had to think about what having it all means to me. Does having it all mean having a booming career with the lifestyle to match and an equally thriving family life? Can all of that really exist at the same time? The vision of having it all totally depends on the eyes you’re looking through.

For me, the term “having it all” took on a different meaning once I had children. Before the arrival of my babies I knew exactly what I wanted. My ideal life had me working in entertainment in New York city, living in an apartment in Manhattan. I figured I’d wear super fashionable clothes and drive a Jeep Grand Cherokee. I seriously formed this vision while in college. Call me crazy! I ended up pretty close. My career dreams landed me in television in Los Angeles instead of New York. I did buy a Jeep. I got the Liberty instead of the Grand Cherokee. I worked for the Style Network so it was pretty much a no-brainer to stylishly show up to work!

Fast forward to my mommy life. All of the good stuff of my career became less appealing to me. I didn’t want to go to parties or events. I wanted to be at home with my babies. I was no longer interested in endless hours at work. I had other priorities. My having it all now meant spending as much time as I could with the people I created and the man I created them with.

I decided to define having it all having and balance in my own terms. Balance for me is on a day to day basis. I spend my days with my children. That means that my time is not my own! I find time to do things for me and I maximize that time. Some days it’s a perfect dance we do. The kids get all they need and they take wonderful, full naps. During those naps, I get to crank out tons of work and cross some things off my massive list. By the time they wake up, I’m ready to play some more and enjoy them. There are other times that they act like sleep is an evil monster waiting to eat them up the minute they close their eyes. I don’t get a thing done until bed time and even then I’m exhausted. Balance. It’s a day to day thing. My focus is making sure everyone in our house gets what they need. Sometimes someone needs a little more or less. That’s balance for me. It’s not an overall life thing. I find that too overwhelming and then I end up kicking myself when something doesn’t workout. By taking it day by day, I give myself some grace and allow room for things to not be perfect. It works for me.

So tell me, what does balance look like for you? How do you define having it all?

Not Just Lip Service

July 8, 2014 by cam

Recently, I had an experience that I wanted to share with you. I am creating a whole business centered around inspiring mamas to find and follow our passions. I talk a lot about following your dreams ~~even~~ especially after your name changes to mama. So, I just wanted to share a little something to let you know that I’m not just talking it, I’m putting my words to practice in my own life.

One day, while my daughter napped, I got a phone call. It was from a modeling agency I had auditioned for years ago. They only represent body parts. I auditioned my hands. They’d called me a couple times about jobs but this was the first in a long time. It was also the first since I have been at home with the kids. It wasn’t easy to make it work. But it all worked out. My mom came out for a visit and stayed with the kids while mama went to work. They got time with grandma and I got a chance to do something cool. I was on a two day modeling job for Essie nails. The images will bee seen internationally.

I wasn’t allowed to take any pictures myself as the colors they used on my nails aren’t released yet. They are for the fall/winter season.

Modeling has been a part of me for a while. I started as a teen in modeling school and small jobs here and there. I stopped, ironically, shortly after moving to LA. Agencies wanted me to be smaller and smaller. I was a 4. They were crazy!

I had just let it all go until a few years ago. People have always complemented my hands so I found an agency that represented hand models and went for it.

It obviously paid off. That’s just one of my dreams/passions though. This business is another. It’s a heart business for me. I couldn’t be more passionate about it. I really want moms to find something they’re passionate about and find away to go for it.

I think it’s really important for us to have something that’s just for us. It certainly doesn’t have to e modeling or a business. It could be anything the brings you a little more happy.

What’s that thing for you?

She Did That! – Mini Messages

July 1, 2014 by cam

Not too long ago, I was watching an episode of Bethenny. My favorite part of the show was the “Bethenny in your Business” segment (sorry to see the show go). In the segment she interviews women who have started their own businesses. The women are typically at a crossroads with the business. It’s their passion but they don’t know how (financially) they can continue. Bethenny offers great advice and assistance that these women likely wouldn’t have gotten otherwise. There are always nuggets in there for me to jot down and apply to my business.

As I was watching the “Bethenny in your Business” segment, one mom, stood out to me. It was something about Stacey Tibbitt’s story that got my attention. It all started with her leaving notes in her kids lunches. That later turned into a business of napkins with cute drawings and illustrations.

After sharing her story with Bethenny, she was given an e-commerce site, branding advice and a new name for her company: Mini-Messages. I decided to reach out to her and ash her to share some of her story with my readers. I think that if we see other mamas doing something that they are passionate about, we’ll know that our finding and following our own passions is totally possible.

Camesha Gosha: Tell me about your passion.

Stacey Tibbitt: My passion would have to be my children and my business. Everything I do, I do for my three girls. It is why I started my business in the first place. My business is like a fourth child. I am responsible for its growth, it takes a lot of my time and I love it.

CG: How did you discover your passion?

ST: I discovered my passion when my first daughter was born. I knew right then and there that being a mom was the best thing in the whole world. When I started mini messages I knew it as something that I was born to do. I didn’t even have to think about it and no matter what obstacles I face I won’t give up on it.

CG: Why is it important to you?

ST: Being a mom is the greatest job I have ever had. Being a mompreneur is something that I never knew I wanted to be but enjoy every minute of it. Being successful at this business helps me to set a good example for my children, never give up on your dreams. You have to work hard if you really want something in life and never back down from a challenge.

CG: As a mom, were there challenges in pursuing your passion?

ST: Yes, there were several.

CG: Tell me about them.

ST: I faced several challenges. I didn’t know a thing about starting or running a business. I have had to learn every step of the way, and I am still learning. I didn’t have any money but what I did have was people that believed in me and wanted to help me financially. I knew nothing about marketing. I had to learn and again with the help of others I was able to get the word out.

CG: How did you overcome your challenges/obstacles?

ST: I overcame some of the obstacles by the help of others and of course, persistence. If I didn’t know something I asked or I found a way to learn about it. It takes a village to start/run a business and I would not be successful without the help of those around me.

CG: What do you think it does for your children to see you go after what you want?

ST: I think it sets a great example for my children. As I stated before they are taught many valuable lessons. First, never give up on your dreams. Second, you have to fight sometimes for what you want in life. And that if you do work hard you can be successful.

CG: What would be your advice to other moms who are on the fence about pursuing something they are passionate about?

ST: My advice would be to go for it. But they do have to know that it won’t be an easy ride. They have to be willing to work hard and not take no for an answer. If you love what you do then don’t let anyone stop you from doing it.

CG: : You wouldn’t be caught dead, where?

ST: That is a tough one??? I guess it would have to be some place where someone is excluded just because of who they are. If someone is not welcomed, then I won’t go there.

CG: Most hated chore on the household chore list?

ST: Cleaning the bathrooms!

CG: Name one thing you’re really good at.

ST: Being a mom.

CG: Name one thing you think you really suck at.

ST: Singing.

CG: If you could have a super power, what would it be?

ST: Be like I dream of Jeannie…if I wanted something done I would just have to fold my arms and blink and it would be done.

At last check, Stacey was auditioning for Shark Tank to take her business even further. You can find Mini Messages here, Twitter + Facebook!

So tell me, how did you discover your passion?

Overwhelm? Totally Conquered!

June 17, 2014 by cam

Overwhelmed. I was totally feeling the pressure recently at my son’s end of year school picnic.

I started thinking about all that had to be done. I thought of all the things that could throw the plan off. I was totally talking myself into a “worst case scenario” situation.

I knew I needed to make sure my daughter had her nap. She can be iffy on those. If she missed the nap, I’d be at this picnic with a hyper four year old and a cranky baby. I also knew that I needed to order the pizzas for the picnic while she slept. Once we picked up my son, we needed to pick up the food and haul it back to the park with blankets, chairs, toys and stroller in tow.

Two kids. One mama. Three hour picnic. I totally allowed it to drown me in overwhelm.

All the stuff on my list didn’t seem nearly as bad when I put it in perspective and took one thing at a time. So, here’s what actually happened:

I woke up knowing I had a full day ahead of me. The day started with me getting the kids ready, packing lunches and getting my son to school. Next, was my daughters art class. While she napped after class, I ordered pizzas for our contribution to the picnic. We got my son from school and headed to pick up the pizza. Then, my excited kiddies and I were off to the park. And you know what happened next? We had fun! We played games, we hung out with my son’s friends, ate lots of food, swung at pinatas and everything else the picnic had to offer.

At the end of the day, I had worked myself up for no reason it all.

Have you ever done that? Have you had something to do that was so simple but you make it bigger than it ever needs to be? Sometimes we build up so much anxiety over the smallest of things.

The best way to combat that for me I’ve found is to break things down. Just give yourself some order and do one thing at a time. When taking the whole of anything in one chunk it could be too much. It’s like trying to pick up a whole pound cake and chow down. No! We take it one slice at a time. Breaking things down into small manageable tasks works every time. Even when it’s something as simple as a school picnic.

So tell me, how do you deal with overwhelm?

Yes, You Can Have…

June 10, 2014 by cam

At some point along this ride we have to start saying yes to the things we want. It’s even bigger than that though. There’s this thing we have to get past. It’s called permission.

I have found that there were some things I wasn’t getting out of life because I wouldn’t give myself permission to have what I say it is I want. Yes, I would talk my friends ears off about the life I wanted for myself. I had big dreams and that’s all they were. There wasn’t a plan to get any of it. As they say, “a goal without a plan is just a dream.” {tweet this} I finally figured out that I didn’t think I was allowed to have the life, the home, the career I wanted. I guess, on some level, I thought that type of “on your own terms” living was reserved for a select few.

Then, I decided to tell myself a different story. As I sat down to make one of my MANY lists, I gave myself permission to have everything on those lists. It sounds so simple but telling myself yes was really one of the first steps to living a life that brings me a little more happy. And who couldn’t use a little more happy, right?

I said yes to being an author, which led me down the road of entrepreneur. That was something I hadn’t so much considered but have eagerly said yes to. The most rewarding yes had to be the decision to spend more time at home with my kids. Here’s what I’m learning, there are some things that keep nagging at us. There are things to change, things we want, etc. Once we give in and say yes, the details kinda fill themselves in. Here are a few more things on my “PERMISSION GRANTED!” list:

A healthier lifestyle – I’m slowly moving our family to a more plant based diet. Got any great recipes? Feel free to share!
Extra energy – I think this is going to come with a commitment to consistently work out and get more sleep.
Less stress – I tend to take on a million things. I’ll be scaling down my list.
Conquering overwhelm – See above! LOL!
Keeping a positive out look – I think all of these things will help keep my outlook in check. 🙂

So, now your turn. PERMISSION GRANTED! What’s one thing big or small that you could say yes to?

P.S. The June newsletter comes out this week! Are you on the list? Sign up below. 🙂